10 jobs you wish you could have

Even as a part time gig. These are the GOAT professions for men and women around the Planet. Spoiler alert: Ninja is one of them.

10. NINJA

Shut up. #ninjasatwork

That would be just dandy. Imagine your dress code. Your working schedule. The meetings you would trade for missions. The KPIs being measured in dead bodies. The assassination talks and the shuriken coaching sessions…

I dunno if Ninjas are a thing of the past — we don’t see many Ninjas around, both human and in teenage mutant turtle form; that’s shameful if I might add — or if they’ll trend somewhere in the future, but what we know is this:

> Good payroll

> Awesome dress code

> You don’t get fired, you are murdered. #ninjastyle

9. SPY

It’s said to be the 2nd oldest job in the world. True fact. One might say the Portuguese created the first ‘modern spies’, when the Crown sent information officers to report whatever they saw in Brazil, India, Japan, Australia (yes, we didn’t get there, but we drew the maps:).

Spies have tough lives — not as tough as Ninjas though… — and there’s just too much fiction on them you can rely to follow the amazing adventures of people who went berserk on finding intel without being noticed.

John Le Carré is famously known among the spying crowds of the CIA and the КГБ.

António Tenreiro, Portuguese-born and bred, wrote a travel book called “The Walking Paths from India to Portugal”, or something like that.

This movie is a good place to start.

And this one not a bad place to finish :)

#doubleDamon

In the end, all that matters is:

> Cool aliases

> Good career plans

> Booking.com free pass

even if can’t talk to your wife and kids anymore… #spyupdude

8. PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE

The richest of the bunch. A professional athlete has basically no childhood, which he trades for 10–15 years of a money-grabbing and glamorous lifestyle.

Usually tennis players, soccer stars, NBA pros, baseball and hockey athletes have the richer hand. But you can also be a pro gymnast and have a blast.

It’s a constant test of character and the path is always dangerous if you turn your head the wrong way.

> Bitcoin salary

> Chance to be remembered for centuries to come

> Tons of Gram followers

7. DESK OFFICER FOR A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

you found these smoothers. Nicely done.

I’ve wrote about this before.

Imagine you’re a recruiter, working remotely, for people like ISIS, DAESH, HAMAS or the Republican Party. I mean, for the Republican Party you just have to be born in Texas and you’re good to go.

Here you would have to trade the comfort of your home sweet home for hours and hours of scary interviews, profile analysis, years and pentabytes of dark web graphic violence scouting, I mean, your job would be blood and mayhem, 24/7. Are you up for it?

Your boss kills innocent people for a living. Like… not 3. More like 300 dudes, if you do a proper job!

> Bitcoin salary

> Not the best environment at the office

> You fail, you die

6. VJ

WOW! What is it?!?!

I never knew what these dudes do for a living. I know that V stands for some sort of visual audio sensory sumthin’ sumthin’ but… what can a VJ add to an event that hasn’t been already thought of/taken care?!

They are Visual Jockeys, which for me, at first glance, reminds me of a polo match where every players wears a set of Oculus.

I never met a VJ. I am yet to meet and greet a VJ. Maybe it’s awesome but I can’t figure it out and it kinda scares me

> ?

> ?

> ???

5. YOUTUBER

It’s your kids’ dream job and you know it!

Being a youtuber is not a bad deal. You do it just like pro athletes: you have a 10 to 15-year span of money and great ad deals but then… what’s left?!

There are youtubers for virtually Anything you can think of. And the effort you put into it is… less than the amateur stand-up comic.

Camera. A roof. Upload. See ya tomorrow.

> Ethereum salary

> Even more Gram followers

> Everybody knows when you’re popping a zit or when you’re about to fart

4. ELON MUSK

this pic came from a DuckDuckGo search of the word ‘CEO’; now that’s #money talking!!!

Everybody wants to be these dudes — via hard work or magic formulas — but the truth is the money talks, not the soul.

Mark Cuban, Ferriss, there is not a single text where I don’t blatantly attack these Masters of None that Won’t be More than hyphens in the sentence that is 1970s-2040 of their lifespans.

If you think about it, you probably had smarter ideas than them, you just weren’t where they are, with the friends they have. Context, baby.

That’s what makes them so mundane, volatile and meaningless in the long run.

The money talks. You put Elon in Pitcairn and let’s see him be relevant in 2 years. #elonchallenge. They matter nothing.

> Bitcoin salary

> Chance to become President/PM/CEO of a nation

> No family, no love life to be seen nor heard of, you’re a loner

3. RACE DRIVER (aka SUPER PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE)

Now we’re into the vintage ones. You can be a race driver today, as you could during NASCAR and F1 birth.

This is where talent clashes with context, wherein the soccer star example we’re talking about raw talent meeting the right context.

Senna is still the best race driver I’ve seen. As Schwanz or Rossi are the GOAT in motorbikes.

The thing is… Senna died crashing into a wall, like some sort of noob.

Footballers may fail on a weekly basis but race drivers are fighting against themselves and death every weekend. They’re gladiators on wheels (at least they were, in those Senna/Prost/Mansell/Kid Schumi days).

Today is just a matter of #whocanbeatLewis… even so, the Race Driver is a job everybody, at some point, would love to have.

#sennabeproud

> Bitcoin salary

> Chance at Mount Olympus of human feats

> Free cars fo life

2. ASTRONAUT

Every kid writes this on the #sowhatsnextforyouwhenyoure20 1st grade sheet.

Firewoman, Astronaut, MD, Lawyer, Cop, it’s always these or something around these.

Astronauts do get to experience something rather unique and inspiring and unforgettable. They get to see racism from above. They get to be in space, a void of nothing. The no-gravity deal is just a perk. Just another Monday out there… you’ll get used to it because you’ll train for it.

Einstein knows best!!!

Wanna go to the Moon again? Mars is just lame. I don’t get Marsists. There’s literally nothing there. First the Americans. Then the Russians and the Chinese. Nothing. Nada.

Yet… #anothertriptomars #water #weneedwater #wasser #lifeonmars.

Ask Elon.

If you’re an astronaut please… refer to Enceladus. Somewhere else. Not Mars!!!

> Bitcoin salary

> Awful food, amazing urine FX

> Great for space sex

1. CHAMBERMAID / JANITOR

you have not seen these coming.

These people work in the shadows. They know everything. They have the worst working hours. The worst salaries of the bunch. And the worst bosses the world has ever promoted.

And they’re probably the happiest of them all.

Being a chambermaid or a janitor — like a housecleaner working in Hotels and stuff — grants you access to the backstage. You get to see the astronaut’s diary. The Elon Musk bucketlist. The spy’s codex or whatever.

I was hesitating between a Magician — lamest job around, #handsdown — but I honestly think Janitors and Chambermaids are the happiest of professional workers around your face.

Greet them. Thank them.

They deserve better.

Not you, you’re the CFO of WhoCaresWhat!

And guess what… WhoCaresWhat needs some cleanin’! All the time!

digital tagarela