Next stop: car working

Manel Tinoco de Faria
5 min readJun 9, 2020

Imagine being pulled over when you’re closing an important deal. Crashing your car right while you’re being fired. These and many other possibilities are now on the… tablier

We studied hard (well, sort of:) and were told to do our homework. Now, we work harder and they tell us… to work from home.

Working in an office might have been your thing for days and ages. One of the things this COVID thing taught us is that, in the face of general terror, we can quickly adapt not only ourselves but the economy and the society as a whole (hmm… sort of:(

There’s no more coffee talk at 9:00AM. No more chitchat. When you probably didn’t think ’twas possible the explosive mixture of taking care of your newborn and fixing up some formulas on Excel, say hello to Super Dad + The Office Problem Solver… working in the bedroom. Naked, no less.

YOUTUBERS TOLD US SO

I don’t follow many youtubers — I think you’ll find I am a DudePerfect fan, but I don’t buy their shit, I just play their videos once in while — although, from what I see, these professionals known as youtubers have been home working for ages.

Not because they don’t have offices — they do, the majority of Portuguese youtubers have daytime ‘standard’ jobs, from what I can understand — but simply due to one simple reason: their followers expect them to be home, to brag about stuff so they can resume their lives in peace and quiet.

or, in some cases, screams and ghouls.

Because that’s what you get with youtubers: there’s no such thing as PG-13.

So, when you see youtubers at home — doing their shit, talking up stuff, promoting meaningless crap — you might be not so surprised as you’d think. After all, they’re kids… they’re not supposed to be ‘office working’ yet. And they probably never will.

This is a profession that just cannot be pulled in an office. Ask any youtuber direct: when was the last time they logged with a ‘corporate account’ or installed ‘email certificates’?

My guess is

OFFICE WORK MAY HAVE ITS DOWNS

All in all, I think the commute, the stress, the challenges and their outcomes are part of our ‘Sunday mass’, so to speak. If you’d exclude the commute and Funny Harry from Design or Hot Laura from accounting, working in an office features only 1 thing that you won’t find at home and that would be:

1) the shittiest coffee machine in the history of coffee machines

COFFEE’D-19

Everything else… is passable. Way doable.

Deadlines. Occasional meetings. Calls. The boss is coming, “let’s meet again over the same meeting we had in the morning”… meh.

Remember like a decade ago, when companies were punishing employees for facebooking at working hours?

Is that so much different than working from home and switching to a tab full of the red stuff inside of the blue-ish purple balloon? (I never actually understood if facebook is lilac, cobalt, ultra violet or super algae but I dilligas?!)

GAMERS

Ask a gamer, from the semi-amateur to the pro and millionaire, if he ever got on the subway to start at the nearest Starbucks next Friday. The same thing. Office work does nada to this crowd. It’s not its ‘target demo’.

“OK boss, I’ll do it in a second”

GRAVEDIGGERS

These gentlemen and women working hard at keeping us at not zombie mode cannot work from home. Talk to a trucker. Tech solves many things, I agree. But tech isn’t everything at this point. It never will be, at that point or those couple of points for any of that matter. Just imagine yourself being born in Niger, Gambia or Afghanistan, a few of the “lowest income countries” according to the ILO. I’ve written about this before on my INV3RT3R series.

“SO, CAR WORK, ISN’T THIS WHY I’M HERE?…”

When they can fully operate and drive on their own without killing old ladies, for sure it will be a thing. For now, I’m guessing it’s just kind of illegal in most countries. If the phone makes your awareness levels drop to a third of their average — as that wasn’t bad enough, it’s kind of cancer-y too, in every G form or number — that is just irrelevant because literally Everyone texts and talks and tweets and zooms and meets while driving, from youtubers to warlords.

I see a bright future to car working (in every motorized format, you can close deals on a Ducati, you can merge on a boat, do a presentation on the bus, fire a family on an hovercraft, pick your favorite machine here) because it’s a sweet spot between home… and office. It’s the circuit enabler. Cars move us from A to B.

For a while, there was no B. So why can’t we make an A+/A1 out of the Prius or busted Civic? Couples be like:

- Hey, I’m leaving, there’s this thing at the office I gotta take care, ye know…

- Do you have your keys?

- Yup.

- Okay, just look out for the raccoons, they can be noisy this time of the year.

“Why do you own a Civic dude… whyyyyyyyyy?!?!?”

See? Shows like The Office or Suits? Thing of the non-existent.

Gotta go pitch this to EIon Musk.

And then I’ll kill myself, worry not.

BEDROOM AS AN EPICENTER FOR CREATIVITY

Since cavemen days — no office, no cars and certainly no wi-fi — we have been ‘home’. Working, having sex, chanting by the fire, eating dudes, eating animals, all of this happened indoors. Because outdoors meant danger: more animals, more people and surely more work. And probably way more sex, but that’s not what’s at stake here. Really. I guarantee.

SO, IF YOU OWN A CAR (if you’re Portuguese, you don’t have 3 bikes and 0 cars, eu sei)

Don’t work there. Work from home.

Go grab that cable you forgot on your desk at the office. You know you left something there.

And take a f#%king bus while you’re at it. Just don’t work there, alright?!

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