Top 9 highlights of The Moon
9. NO COVID
Apparently, Earth is the only planet in the Solar Sytem to harbor life (😊) and, therefore, the only in the same planet park to host some coronavirus (😔). That’s… sad.
I’d rather have Uranus in a crazy orbit any given Sunday. Or Venus’s s#itty methane fest on the side of my daily morning cereal.
They’re both COVID-free.
Just like… The Moon!
8. SUPER MARIO GRAVITY
Too fat to run or jump? Too skinny and lazy to wander off to your next door McDonald's?
The Moon’s got you covered. No need for scales or fashion etiquettes. Everyone’s the same!
Eating up or starving fast you all get to
7. NO POLLUTION
It’s all fun and games and (mostly) cheap marketing and politics when it comes to talking about Earth’s environment, but have you ever looked at Moon’s game when it comes to the green stuff?
You got the rocks (100% natural). You got the surface (mostly untouched since the 1970’s).
You got zero forests, zero oceans so… 0 pollution on that front. Moon might be the least polluted place in our ‘backyard’ besides our poles.
Book that s#it for your kids asap!
6. NO SELFIES
I can’t speak for my research abilities (they’re average at most and I haven’t written in here for months, so bear with me on this one) but I can assure you there are Zero to Ninguna and τίποτα απολύτως of selfie pictures hanging about in the moon.
To the contrary. What you can find there is Us, not the emphasis on I & WE powered to the ridiculousness of false fulfillment.
The family portrait that has been on the MOON for 40 years: Astronaut left behind a picture of…
Astronaut Charles Duke left it while exploring moon's Descartes Highlands Message on back says: 'This is family of…
Remember family? Such an Earthly concept. Well, it lies on The Moon. And it will be there for millions of years.
Come to think of it… that will be one of the last pictures to be ‘deleted from Solar System storage’ once the Sun goes bye-bye.
Also, the landscape on The Moon is the same everywhere, so you oughta be very creative in order to get some proper follower count.
5. THE MOON IS POSH
Every other moon of the Solar System has a name. Titan. Enceladus. Ganymede. Demos. Josh (not a moon but, while we’re at it, #releasetheJoshmoon).
Not the case with our Moon, nah-nah.
It proudly shouts out to anyone: “Think you’ve seen a moon before? LOL. Kiss this Moon #ss. Feel The Moon. Touch The Moon. This is the one.”
Does it meet your tripadvisor standards?
Probably not: “Too white, I’ve seen better” or “Couldn’t bike anywhere, too bumpy for my taste” are legit complains.
But hey, you can only find those on… The Moon. Not anywhere else!
4. NO JUSTIN BIEBER
You can put your headphones and listen to Pink Floyd on the dark side of it.
But you just can’t blast Justin Bieber on speakers because The Moon has no air and so… no sound.
Google didn’t tell me this.
And Tintin’s a journalist.
I find him more trustworthy 😉
3. NO WARS
Earth has been at war with asteroids for as long as time = so has The Moon.
Earth has been at war with its core, geologically speaking = so has The Moon. 1–1.
Earth has life? Moon has not. 2–1 Earth. Wait… does biochemical evolution translate into automatic conflict? The Moon wins. No need to recheck!
The Moon may be scarred in its surface but it never hurt itself.
Of course you may need some life for the conflict to happen but as cheap as this one may sound, it’s funny how we’re so proud of what we’ve become with so much harm done to our own.
This “peace pact” automatically applies to every other planet/moon/rock floating around in our solar planet octagon. Not a single drop of blood.
In 4.5+ billion years… that’s something!
List of wars and anthropogenic disasters by death toll - Wikipedia
needs additional citations for verification .improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced…
2. NO DUSK, NO TWILIGHT, NO BLUE SKIES, NO FANCY PRANCY STUFF
If you take two seconds out of our 24-hour day to let something sink, well allow this one to… sink in: Earth really hit the jackpot. The jackpot of ↓↓↓, this is.
So, say you’re on The Moon and you want to see the sunrise with your loved one. Champagne. Some s#itty astronaut quick nibbles, but he/she’s okay with that, no big deal.
Get ready, this has got wedding bells written all over it.
Isn’t it amazing? Yup.
Tell me One place on Earth where something remotely similar to this would happen at six-something AM.
1. THE MOON IS WHAT YOU GET. THE EARTH IS A SPACE TOURIST TRAP
Honestly, If I was a alien just having a space walk, I’d rather spend a week chilling in The Moon than five Earthly minutes listening to your sorry #ss telling me what to do, where to go.
I’ll take my chances with some innocent and ugly rocks, sure.
The Grand Canyon might be great, but it’s always packed and noisy.